|(Photo taken at Blockhouse Coffee, located in Richmond...if you ever need a creativity boost, which has become weekly for me, this is where you need to go!)|
I have this awesome journal called "Make Shit Happen," created by the company Meraki Printing. They are two yogis that live here in Houston who found their creative voice and hit the ground running. They basically ran on water because their company blew up HUGE!
Each month has a theme to focus on and this month's theme (May) focuses on "Presence". "Getting Present" is a huge yogic/ mindfulness term. Just walk into any yoga studio and you will hear this right in the beginning of class or in the distant conversation of two people in the hallway. But, what does it really mean?
Defining Presence: pres-ence (noun) - the state or fact of existing, occurring, or being present in a place or thing.
Taking this one step further and defining "Present" - existing or occurring now.
So when a yogi says they need to "Get Present" what the F do they really mean!?!?!? Well I have no idea, I only know what I mean....
Since I have been working on "getting present" this week, what does that look like for me?? Well, I feel like I've had a rough week, because when you start to dissect things, things get dirty/messy and a lot uncomfortable. Seriously, is there such thing as a clean dissection?!?! Currently I am in a program that is helping me create my vision and goals for my future (Lightyear Leadership), and we are at the point in the program in which I actually get to make those goals and create that vision for myself. This means I am making decisions about what I am committed to, where I feel boxed in, where I feel growth or feel stagnant, and where I feel frustrated or excited. How do I get to where I want to go?
These questions have come with an explosion of feelings. With those feelings have come some hard conversations, not just conversations with myself but with others. Conversations in which I do not want to hurt someones feelings, but I learned this week that I can't skip the struggle, the feelings and the messiness surrounding it all.
In the midst of it all I found myself saying over and over again, "I just need to process that" or "I've been processing this and...." and I don't know if that is just a nice yogic way of saying "I'm over thinking this" because it is SO easy to over think presence. Presence is just being with yourself right now. Like I am present to this blog post, I am dripping in emotion and I feel the heat on my fingertips as I type. I feel the messiness of my thoughts as I re read each line constantly finding imperfections. I am present to hearing my littlest breathe her sleeping breaths as I try to quietly type, and I feel my husbands anxiousness as he waits for me to complete my task so we can have dialogue about our day outside in our sanctuary.
So is "Processing" over thinking? Why do we always tell people to "just think about it" "take your time" but in most real life situations there is no process time and only gut decision making.
Definition of Process (Processing) - perform a series of mechanical or chemical operations on (something) in order to change or preserve it.
Today right now in this present moment of a tired body and tired mind, getting present to the definition of processing means for me that when I say "I just need to process this" means that I am most likely over thinking. I am not letting my present emotions or "gut instinct" kick in.
But as usual, how do I listen to my "gut" and "take my time" with decisions. Why am I told to "just rip off the band-aid" but take my time in making decisions.
This month for me will be getting present and being in inquiry about what I instantly go with my gut on and what I constantly "need to process". This inquiry about "Presence" can open up better commit to decisions and then get back on track towards my vision and goals.